you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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