my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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