oh god the rape fog is back!
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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