just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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