He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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