the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Can you repeat that, but with context?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
