Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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