I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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