Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
