Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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