well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
