The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
