I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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