I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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