I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
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