I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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