That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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