I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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