Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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