phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
