Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
