nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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