Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize