i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
