i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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