i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
