There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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