You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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