I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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