just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Boobs speak an international language.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
