Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
