My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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