All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
