I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We need a shit load of segways right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
