she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
