he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
