so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
