Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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