i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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