I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
