please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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