i barfeds in our rink
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
23 “Girl Codes” Guys Probably Don’t Know About
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies