dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.