the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
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Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species