so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can