Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(651): View more from Minnesota

By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.

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(949): View more from California

i just wanna soil my oats bro

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm never eating chinese again.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(503): View more from Oregon

But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"

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(706): View more from Georgia

He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?

(1-308): View more from Nebraska

i hate being the asshole.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I round house kicked her emotions in the face

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(713): View more from Texas

I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever

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