so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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