Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
