She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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