I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
