i don't like sucking hair
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
