if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
