dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize