great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
