i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
