do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
