So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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