Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I deserve this hangover.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
