meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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