I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
