it wasn't lemon gatorade
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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