when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
