You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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