I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
