my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
