i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
