Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
