I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
