White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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