I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
