If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
