you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
