Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
