i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
