someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
