Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
