he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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