Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
