it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
