I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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