His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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