i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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