My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
