GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
