Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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