Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
