You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
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