party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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